Friends! I have finally found it! The ultimate in cringe! Wikihow on how to find a girlfriend! So I’m going to go over each and every step. Article Link: http://Wikihow.com/Get-a-Girlfriend
Step 1: Meeting a potential match.
“Ask your friend to introduce you.” Yeah, no. All my friends are weird loners who don’t like to socialize. “If you use social media-” Wait, stop right there. This article basically says, “Go bug women on Twitter and Facebook. They won’t get annoyed by it or anything. XD
2. Offer to help someone
Yeah, use “helping others” as an excuse to lay down your game, son! Go up to complete strangers and offer to help. It’s not like we’re to taught from a young age to be wary of strangers or anything.
3. Attend local events
I live in a nowhere’s town. There are no local events. But it’s still telling you to go harass people you don’t know for dates. XD
4. Join clubs if you’re in school
I’m not in school. This doesn’t apply to me.
5. Try online dating
Yeah, no. Aside from the good chance you’re actually talking to a guy who is pretending to be a girl, a good chunk of profiles are single moms with five kids (and always seems to be five kids) or women seeking rich men. Oh, and man-hating angry feminists that seek a relationship with a man that they hate so much of course. XD
Part 2-1: Making yourself attractive
Yeah, no. I’m fat, lazy and there’s nothing I can do about my face. Next! Oh, no. Wait. It’s bullshit. “Everyone is attractive in their own way.” “Wear shirts that show off your interests.” I do and I assure you the average person does not know what Undertale is. Sucks for them.
2-2: Practice good hygiene
No doih. That should be the most obvious thing. Though it does have one really bad line: “You shouldn’t wear too much cologne unless that’s what you want.” LOL
2-3: Develop your personal interests so you appear well rounded
Gotta trick the normies into believing we’re normal! Yeah! That’s it! And then, when they least expect it, when it’s far too late, bust out your anime figures! And do a Ginyu Force pose! Nothing really worth note here. Except they don’t mention those that take their hobbies too far. Like me. LOL
2-4: Be comfortable with being alone
I usually am. But I sit here in my room, where no one can see me. So it’s a moot point. If anything, I’m so comfortable with being alone it tends to make people not want to talk to me. >.> “People are attracted to you when you look happy with your life.” Ah, so that’s it. Welp, I’m boned. XD
Part 3-1: Talk to girls that have similar interests.
Oh, yeah. Except that IT DOESN’T WORK! I have. And some have become friends. But I am the legendary chosen one! The undatable! You have yet to see my true powers! Oh, wait. It finally says something I agree with. “Don;t lie.” Yes, don’t lie. Duh.
3-2: Give genuine compliments
“Don’t stalk her.” Except everything it said in the first part basically was “Stalk her all the time.” LOL
3-3: Ask questions to learn more about her
Ask about her interests. You REALLY should have been doing this by now. LOL
3-4: Show off your sense of humor
I’m told I have a great sense of humor. Still can’t get a date to save my life though. >.> But it does come down to several things: random references no one will get, dirty jokes, bad puns and self-depreciating humor. The later of which gets more pity than laughs.
Part 4-1: Hint that you want a date by saying you want to do something together.
Another thing that doesn’t ever work (or not for me). They either don’t get it (then I have to explain what I mean and it’s really awkward only to be rejected) or I get rejected. Both lead to the same point so why bother. “Hey, you want to ComiCon?” “Yeah, just not with you. I have friends.”
4-2: Be direct
Probably the best choice but my anxiety won’t let me. So it’s a moot point.
All steps after this
It goes on about what to do on an actual date (and after) but I can’t get this far to save my life. XD Texting!? Hahahahahahahhahaa. People don’t even want to give me their phone numbers at all. XD Seriously, the only numbers I have are home and work.
The Fluffy Weeb 